The beginning of Book One: Embarking in my book Show Up Hard: A Road Map For Helpers In Crisis opens with:
We love our work. We get out of bed for a cause. We are deeply connected and driven. Yet, we’ve learned the hard way—passion is not a protector from burnout. Proactively planning how we choose to show up for others is the antidote to balancing our commitment to creating change with the finite resources of our emotional labor.
In trainings about the Show Up Hard framework I start with this first tip or skill (hot tip -straight to your inbox!): We get to choose how we show up. Yes, we have a job description. Of course, we have our annual goals, the team plan, and our radical ambition. And yet, actively choosing to show up and how we show up is an assignment we often hurry by or skip over. Somewhere between the distraction of scrolling the morning news and grabbing our lunch as we head out the door (or eating our breakfast off-screen during back-to-back video calls), we arrive in our roles without thoughtful consideration of how we are showing up or might show up.
I have noticed from training and coaching sessions (and my own life!) a few common challenges that emerge without thoughtfully considering and communicating how we are showing up:
We continue in crisis mode after the initial crisis has ended, resulting in the inevitable exhaustion that can arrive after repetitive overuse of our energy or emotional labor. This is the fast-track lane for burnout for both ourselves and our teams, particularly when we are navigating multiple or overlapping crises.
After getting promoted or switching roles, we continue to do previous tasks and/or not consider how our relationships with peers have shifted. This is confusing for both ourselves and those we manage leading to awkwardness or resentment when not addressed.
A pattern or way of showing up that previously worked no longer works. Our blindspot has grown, we are no longer seeing the outcomes we previously had to, or inputs have changed, and our approach needs to be readjusted. Satisfaction and engagement will decrease (this is also a burnout risk factor) when an old pattern is not replaced with a new fit for showing up.
Actively choosing how we show up empowers us to examine from different angles where the possibility for the greatest change is, what is sustainable for the long haul, and how we might bring the unique gifts we have to offer.
The Show Up Hard framework offers a way to actively consider how we can show up. This is not prescriptive or a must-do, but rather a way to think about how we craft our unique way of being present through challenging times and working towards the change we seek.
If the concept of a Compassionate Witness does not completely resonate with you or with your role — try on the idea of companioning, witnessing, or accompanying. Or you can come up with your own label. The idea is to show up with empathy, to provide the space for the work or the other, and not to get ourselves lost in the process.
Here’s to you and your showing up as only you can.
Take good care,
Shannon Weber
Facilitator | Coach | Consultant
P.S. My book is available in all the forms: e-book (Amazon & GooglePlay), paperback (Amazon), and audiobook (iTunes and Audible), as well as an interactive PDF licensed for organizational use. Show Up Hard has been spied in some Seattle area tiny libraries (thanks to my sister!) and is in the New York Public Library Main Branch, business section. :)
If cost is a barrier, please message me for a code to access the Audible version for free.
Things Expanding My Heart
The Central Mexican Hotspring Run Like a Co-Op [Article]: I’m so inspired by this concept of land “ownership” and how the members have organized themselves to shift roles as part of a commitment to the collective good. Can you imagine how this concept shifts our understanding of “leadership”?
Queer Joy Collective: Crowdsourced collection of articles, poetry, and narrative creating a digital quilt of queer joy.
The Patience of Ordinary Things: A stunning poem by Pat Schneider that inspires me to be so very ordinary.
What’s expanding your heart these days? I enjoy recommendations.
From the Archives
In Trust [Podcast]: Building Boundaries for a Better Future
In conversation with Rick Kitagawa and Lisa Lambert on exploring the macro, mezzo and micro ways we can embrace opportunities to increase trust.
From the podcast and relevant to today’s newsletter -- “It really behooves us as the helper to think strategically about how it is that we embody showing up for others in crisis.”
One reason I devote myself to staying tender is that “It’s actually a deeply brave and courageous act when I choose to trust someone, and that just feels so tender talking about it. And if that’s true, then it’s also brave and courageous when someone chooses to trust me.”
Oh, I’m always noodling on what we can do as individuals with real and/or perceived power to make these shifts: “What would it be like for us to change that and not talk about the medical mistrust of people or a person, but to think about how as institutions we are not trustworthy and what is that work that we need to do to become trustworthy?”